These psychological tricks help us feel better in the short term, but ultimately prevent us from addressing issues head-on. Cognitive distortions and negative thought patterns also play a significant role in conflict avoidance. People prone to avoiding conflict often engage in catastrophic thinking, imagining worst-case scenarios that rarely come to pass. They might overgeneralize, assuming that one bad experience with conflict means all confrontations will be equally unpleasant. These distorted thought patterns can make conflict seem far more daunting than it actually is. Childhood experiences and upbringing play a crucial role in shaping our approach to conflict.

Understand Avoidance Coping

Gunnysacking is intimately related to conflict avoidance, because it’s what happens when you don’t resolve things as you go along, and just hold onto them instead. It can also reinforce conflict-avoidant behavior, because, after the flood of misery dumps, you may feel wretched and irrational, and resolve to “be more peaceful” in the future. “A lot of people anticipate that talking about how they feel is going to be a confrontation,” psychologist Jennice Vilhauer told the New York Times. It’s possible to overcome conflict avoidance and learn to handle confrontation in a productive, healthy way. Consider practicing conflict-management skills in low-stress situations.

Build up to it slowly

Although avoidance can provide immediate relief from anxiety, it ultimately hinders emotional and psychological growth. Regularly relying on avoidance can lead to increased stress, lower self-esteem, and feelings of helplessness. People may feel frustrated with themselves for avoiding situations, and this frustration often compounds their anxiety. Personality continues to evolve throughout child and adolescent development. Because of this, healthcare providers don’t typically diagnose someone with avoidant personality disorder until after the age of 18.

Spotting the Signs: Recognizing Conflict Avoidance Behaviors

• For example, antidepressant medication can be helpful for improving mood and anhedonia, decreasing anxiety symptoms, and may also reduce sensitivity to rejection.
• People-pleasing is a coping mechanism that we revert to when we are overcome by stress and the fear of conflict.
• This often leads to other long-term difficulties, including problems with work and school.
• When we don’t value ourselves or our opinions, we’re less likely to assert our needs or stand up for what we believe in.

Self-assessment can be a powerful tool in recognizing our own conflict avoidance tendencies. Reflecting on our reactions to challenging situations, noting patterns in our behavior, and honestly examining our motivations can provide valuable insights. Journaling, talking with trusted friends, or working with a therapist can all aid in this self-discovery process. Putting off important conversations or decisions indefinitely is a way of avoiding potential disagreements or confrontations.

• Avoiding stress might seem like a great way to become less stressed, but this isn’t necessarily the case.
• The first step is simply understanding what avoidance coping is and why it has become part of your life.
• We’ve tried, tested, and written unbiased reviews of the best online therapy programs including Talkspace, BetterHelp, and ReGain.
• In another 2022 study, researchers analyzed the effects of avoidance on reading social cues in situations unrelated to trauma.
• Consider practicing conflict-management skills in low-stress situations.

What Is Avoidance Coping?

We do this in many ways, including through five main types of avoidance. We believe your happiness is worth it, so we make it easy to begin your journey. It’s as simple as answering a few questions about your needs, and within 24 hours you’ll be connected to a highly qualified professional.

Start to regulate this habit by resisting the urge to immediately respond to requests, and give yourself time to ensure your “yes” is valid and not forced. They may struggle with being clear and direct when stating needs, which how to deal with someone who avoids conflict can cause confusion. And when an argument erupts, they might shut down (thanks to poor self-regulation), which can further impact communication.

• Fear of confrontation and rejection is another powerful driver of conflict avoidance.
• Laughing nervously or plastering a fake smile on our face instead of acknowledging distressing emotions can also lead to feelings of loneliness and depression.
• It’s important to remember that avoidant personality disorder (AVPD) is a mental health condition.
• By communicating openly, you can express your needs and desires to your partner, which can help avoid conflict in the future.
• More often than not, confronting a problem or dealing with a stressor is the only way to effectively reduce the stress it causes.

• Sometimes, you just need a little nudge (and support) from someone else to stop ruminating on a problem and take action.
• You might try to build your skills and confidence by opening up conversations about relatively small matters with those you trust the most.
• From eroding relationships to stunting personal growth and compromising mental health, the costs of chronic avoidance are simply too high to ignore.
• PTSD symptoms like avoidance can make it hard to function at your best every day.
• When you bottle up your feelings, it can lead to stress, anxiety, and depression.

Developing a better understanding of why you are hesitant to bring up an issue within your relationship may help you better express yourself to your partner, leading to more impactful conversations. When you are in a romantic relationship, you likely want to feel comfortable speaking openly and honestly with your partner. When this open dialogue doesn’t occur, relationship satisfaction tends to decrease. In a committed romantic relationship, there are often challenges and conflicts you and your partner will face. The challenges occur because a relationship consists of two individuals, each with their own goals, motives, and desires that don’t always align with one another.

While some conflicts are necessary for growth and progress, others can be damaging and destructive if not managed effectively. Some find conflict so depleting that they avoid all possibility of conflict. Their avoidance interferes with the quality of their lives, and leaves many issues unresolved.

What causes avoidant personality disorder?

When someone violates your boundaries, it might be necessary to reinforce those boundaries by confronting the person. In one 2022 study, researchers explored the relationship between avoidance, trauma-related shame, and PTSD symptoms in 60 women with interpersonal trauma. Finally, if your emotions feel too strong, try distraction instead of avoidance. Distraction can be viewed as “temporary avoidance.” Do something to temporarily distract you from a strong negative emotion, such as reading a book, calling a trusted friend, or taking a bath. This may give the emotion some time to decrease in strength, making it easier to cope with.